I have to admit that I have begun to admire our Home Minister greatly. Not only has he had the courage to call those chaddis terrorists but he has also succeeded in uniting Indians and Pakistanis – a feat that even our great secular leaders from the past were unable to accomplish.
Brotherhood is in the air, it is such a beautiful sight and tears are brimming in my eyes. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. But how can I help it? After all, (Shri?) Shinde Ji has made agreeing with the Pakistani establishment possible. While Shri Hafeez Saeed and late Osama ji’s immortal soul in jannat (with the 72 virgins) shower praises upon our beloved Home Minister, I am afraid I shall have to be the party pooper here.
You see, while Shri Shinde Ji is very serious about combating Bhawga Terrorism, there is another kind of lethal poison that is spreading through our society (and no, it’s not Islamic terror – why can’t you people ever stop victimizing our poor minorities?). This viper that we Indians (soon-to-be Pakistanis, hurray!) have been nursing in our bosoms is now slithering into the open, spreading his venom among every section of our populace.
You see his face everywhere. You hear his rants every day. He is right in front of our eyes yet we cannot stop him. His long, angry tirades are brainwashing our youth of Shri Rahul Gandhi’s tender and impressionable age. He is stealing the secular vote bank and swerving it towards actual facts! He has the nerve to question our most revered leaders and tell sexists that women can actually choose their lifestyle without being punished for it! But most horrific of all his acts is that this man – this, this monster! – harassed our poor brother Owaisi and hounded him until bechaare Owaisi Bhai was taken into custody over a few misinterpreted lines at a small, private function.
This man is none other than (drum roll, please)
Arnoob Myswami Arnab Goswami!
Be not fooled by this innocent face, ladies and gentlemen!
Mr Goswami routinely terrorizes unsuspecting people at the dinner table every night at nine on a particular TV channel! He is a great threat to the secular fabric of our nation! I humbly request that Shri Shinde Ji ban not only him and his channel but also all the other opportunistic hatemongers who function in the name of journalism. I further demand that
Miyan and Begum Hamam Rajdeep Sardesai and Sagarika Ghose, along with Burqa Bibi Barkha Dutt be made the official guardians of all Indian media and censorship.
It is only when these communal forces (i.e. BJP, RSS, Mr. Goswami, in-laws, nosy relatives, pesky children, Buddhist monks etc) are eliminated, will we be able to make peace with Pakistan and thereby, joining together the destinies of both nations, we shall finally make Sri Sri Sri Param Poojya Zaid Hamid Ji’s life-long dream of Ghwaza-e-Hind come true.
It is as Shri Hafeez Saeed said, “India is a terror state.” So let’s all please listen to Shri Shinde Ji and stop harassing poor little innocent Pakistan, ok?